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Armitage Weekly Round-Up Week 8

armitage 8

Welcome to week 8 of the Armitage Weekly Round-up.

 Guylty almost developed a case of sprained finger and wrist from clicking up and down the Tumblr feed to pick out the best of microblogging, so check out the Tumblr Round-Up for week 8.

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Here are the RA/Hobbit/OT posts, I hope they brighten up your day ūüôā

Still spReAding the love!

ZaRYSIOwana serves up some Heartbreaking Guy (Polish, breathtaking photos)

Some more Guy, courtesy of Zan, sunny-side up

A Guy waking dream is enough to brighten up the day

The best image to recommend John Porter apart from naked Porter abs and pecks

Need a portable RA shrine? Guylty’s got it covered

Prue Batten’s Guy of Gisborne’s books really can be a Friday Favorite

Does Richard suffer from gynopogonophobia? *checks for stray chin hairs*

On Nazg√Ľl‚Äôs– I love a man in black…

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Hey, have you ever wondered if you might be *gulp* Smaug?

Grati looks at the simple gifts of love.

The RA thumb appreciation society seems to be growing, right Siriouslygrednforge? And a word/image from the RATAS founder

Dwarf+Brainstorming= This

The perfect hot beverage to sip on when reading The Hobbit

It warms my heart when Richard is included in a “perfect casting” pick. Make it so!

I really need to pack a suitcase and head to Hobbiton (and yes, I know I say that almost every week)

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Will Comic Con get the dwarf treatment in 2014? Here’s to hoping!

To celebrate, how about a Dwarvicise video to build up a sweat (an oldie but goodie).

Hey dwarves, let’s get physical!

Don’t forget to check out Guylty’s Tumblr Round-Up!

Now the dust has settled, something to ponder on a Sunday…

I have a very serious question to ask, one that’s been bothering me for some time:

Who does the dusting in Middle Earth?

OK, there may be more pressing hygiene issues like the evident lack of plumbing, although there was one thing I was happy to see:

Warg Thorin

Let me zoom in for you:

clean up after your warg

Well, at least there’s that…

But seriously, if no one did the cleaning Beorn would live in a pig sty…

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OK, bad example seeing that animals actually do live there and I presume a healthy spraying of Febreze is in order.

I wonder if Beorn’s shape-shifting abilities extend to rubber gloves and a bottle of bleach.

Beorn

Coincidence? Maybe not…

Don’t even get me started on Mirkwood and that Moose Throne.

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I just struggle to imagine Legolas going around with a feather duster and giving the chambers a once over.

And when he does his chores, does he get distracted by the cool things he finds:

Look, here are those dwarves I forgot we locked up a few days ago, I wondered where those had got to…

What I think  more probable is that Thraduil flaps his snazzy cape around every so often and that the dusting sorted for a few days.

Once the cape is worn out he probably thinks: another one bites the dust…

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Erebor? Dustabor more like!

How do they reach the cobwebs with those high ceiling halls?

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Seriously, how do you go around giving the ol’ chamber filled with gold a light dusting?

I bet Smaug would be the best at keeping the place clean- he’s good at housekeeping… and goldkeeping…

I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw Thorin with a broom- I know he swept me off my feet…

stop looking at me like that, you knew that one way coming so don’t kick up dust…

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Even Hobbiton is a cleaning mystery to me.

Bilbo’s hole in the ground seems up-kept, but who does the vacuuming?

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Does he have a nice Took lady come in twice a week to tidy up (although I bet she doesn’t do windows…)?

This is one issue to ponder and I can only regret that Tolkien never brought it up.

Maybe now we shall never know…

Thorin is spreading and I can’t make him stop (where are Orcs when you need them!!!)

I don’t know about you, but I always enjoy posts which feature pics of bloggers in their natural habitat and am often confused that they actually exist in RL in oppose to being conveniently placed right inside my laptop.

Today I will be posting tiny peeks into Chez AgzyM, dust bunnies, vinyl wallpapers and all ūüėČ

There’s a room in my flat which has¬† a set of shelves on the left hand side as you enter.

chez1Even before I move in, I started collecting fancy little shoe figurines and added the Andy Warhol Shoe book of illustration to the mix.

It was a cute feature, but it was time for a change…

You see, I’ve been fiddling about and in the meantime my Erebor has been slowly taken over!

¬†Thorin had been creeping into my flat (I have a sneaking suspicion he found my secret dwarf door and just used his key…and I don’t mean that in a dirty way…).

It started with London Thorin, a gift from my BFF while we were in London in 2012 to see The Hobbit AUJ.

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Then this Christmas I added Anime Thorin to the collection (thanks not-so-secret- Santa!).

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Then a beautiful Thorin stamp rounded things up (I’ll be changing the stamp background today, I think I can do a bit better and it certainly deserves it…).

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OK, three is hardly a company of dwarves, so Lego Thorin was added to strengthen the group.

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When you’ve already let decency go, it’s easy to go from four to five, so that’s how I ended up with Heroclix Thorin.

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If we add my own Stockingface Thorin who remains blind, so he won’t be battling dragons any time soon…

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….that makes SIX Thorins in one woman’s flat!

Slightly excessive, no?

I gathered my company of dwarves on my bookshelves, but the written word started to fight back, so I’ve succumbed and gave the shoes the boot…

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One bookshelf is hardly excessive, but then, if I’m honest, that’s not the only place where RA pops up.

There’s an Action Figure Gizzy on the way (and I’m still not ready to talk about that particular impulse buy…).

Gizzy will come stomping his feet, clad in squeaking leather, wielding his sword, and will find the lodgings somewhat cramped…

There’s my Pop Art Richard Pic that’s standing right by my front door (and contrasts the authentic 20s telephone pretty nicely, right?):

chez 9Then there’s the kitchen.

I really liked the beautiful card from Guylty and thought it’s go well with my 60s Polish ńÜmiel√≥w figurines that are right above my cooker:

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I dare not think who else will set up camp in Chez AgzyM (although I’m certain it won’t be Weta Thorin, at least till I win the lottery…).

Other RA items are put away, for now, although last night I dreamed up a board where I could display all the beautiful cards I’ve received from my Armitage Admirer friends.

I’ll keep you posted…

Oh, and Sir PJ, as you vacation in luxurious exotic locations and I freeze my bollocks off, you’re very welcome ūüėČ

Update:

I think Stamp Thorin looks much better… onto the shelf it goes!

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Armitage Weekly Round-Up Week 2

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Here’s another weekly round-up of Richard Armitage/Hobbit/OT posts that caught my eye this week.

Thank you for stopping by last week, you can check out Week 1 here.Arky weekly round-up week 2

Arkie has been keeping an eye out for fanfiction that may interest you, so check it out.

What a perfect way to brave the cold, snuggled up with a good fanfic read.

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Guylty wanders the wild with interesting posts that have appeared on Tumblr.

It’s a tough job but someone has to¬†do it!

As always, if there are posts that you’d like to recommend or I have overlooked, please post them in comments either here or at the other two blogs.

Spread the love 1 Richard Armitage

We are still very much spReAding the love!

There’s ¬£200 to snag for Richard’s JustGiving charities and you can make that happen by having your act of kindness noted by the end of February!

RA Hobbit posts

Frenzy takes it back to fandom basics! She suggests we start with I Saw Something Fine… and here are further thoughts

Richard goes the extra mile crosses the street for fans

Don’t step on Richard’s blue suede shoes

Behind the scenes DOS footage, keep it coming please!

Jazz and the Headbanger’s Ball with Thorin

Jonia celebrates her blogiversary. Congrats!

Sometimes it’s easiest to express it with an RA character

Does Richard wear Spanx (what? it’s a valid question!)

Philippa Boyens fangirls (amongst other things)

I guess Richard and the cast are still not done with NZ

Airport pics bug me, but maybe mostly because I don’t see such beauty on landing… and a further thought…

On blabbing about Tolkien. Me? I blab on Tolkien, food, gossip and anything else in between…

How big is big enough to be a sex symbol? (and yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about…)

Morrighansmuse looks at Obsessions of a fan girl

OT: Words that soothe and harm

Baby it’s cold outside, don’t forget your cardigan!

Polar Vortex Shmortex- Richard will keep you warm.

Confession is good for the soul, so we Armitagettes must be angels…

And we must be some strong angels because that level of majestic fabooshness can kill a gal…

Possibly the most important interview with a cast member of The Hobbit!

The cat with the best taste in men…

Age with pride like Thorin and show those grey streaks with pride!

Obscura actually manages to make the Olympic Games interesting

I still thing Smaug needs mouthwash

Zan’s back! Yay!

UPDATE:

Jazz tells it like it is!

Richard’s new project? I hope he gets his thespian on!

Perry digs up more on the subject here and there’s more here from RAC.

Golden oldiesBccMee will forever be the queen of Armitage collective challenges and her whole blog is post after post of delicious goodies.

She’d encourage readers to suggest photos, quotes and such, and she’d whip up the most amazing graphics and fanvids.

Check out the fun Summertime fun challenge where she has two RA characters battle it out in the strangest categories.

I honesty struggle to recommend the BEST BccMee post, you should just start from the oldest post and make your way from there.

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BccMee also creates¬† beautiful videos, like the one¬†for Richard’s 41st B-day:

Check out the Tumblr Round-Up courtesy of Guylty and Arkie’s Fanfic Weekly Round-Up.

See you next week ūüôā

Thorin and Thranduil, The Sassy Kings of Middle Earth (and their hair is pretty too!)

This post contains recommendations of fanfiction that are of a mature nature and may contain explicit slash writing.

There’s shipping, OTPing, slashing and so forth, so be warned, if that’s not your cup of tea, that’s fine by me, I note your objections ūüėČ

As always with regards to comments, keep it clean, don’t be mean!

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Ever since I watched The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug I’m fascinated with Thranduil, played by Lee Pace.

The Elven King is the perfect and most worthy adversary for Thorin, the King under the mountain.

I love the¬†scene when Oakenshield and his company are captured and he stands at the foot of a freaky moose-horn throne (they sell those in IKEA BTW, if you’re interested), and Thranduil is giving the pint-sized dwarf a nice pat on the head and trying to strike a bargain to get his hands in the crowned jewels he had long desired ¬†(and when I say the crowned jewels I’m being literal, for smut scroll down)¬†.

By the way,¬†I found¬†the object of Thranduil’s fascination a¬†tad confusing: are they shiny¬†like stars or made out of stars, what’s that all about?

Looked like costume¬†jewellery to me…

Anyway, the scene was electric and the sass was flying left and right.

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¬†All that’s missing is RuPaul sitting there shouting “Reading is Elementary*” while the¬†two¬†whip their hair back and forth throwing shade*…

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* I realised that maybe not all of you have seen RuPaul’s Drag Race and aren’t familiar with drag queen terminology so here it goes:

to read someone means to¬†point out¬†someone’s negative traits, usually in a form of a funny one-liner.

throwing shade is a derivative from reading and means to point out someone’s flaws.

Thorin Thranduil

Back to sass and shade, I have to ask:

Anyway, I’m not the only one that’s digging these two (although I may be the only one who insists on waving my hand and snapping my fingers going: Oh no he di int! every time their scene comes up… at least I hope I’m the only one…).

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Here are some fanfiction goodies I’ve come up with to quench¬†a Thorin/Thranduil thirst, scratch that Thorinduil/Thradrin itch (does this ship have a name? it should because it’s already sailed…).

In The Mirkwood’s Dungeons – Thorin x Thranduil¬†at Silvery Night (non-NS)
When Thorin is captured by elves guards, Thranduil discovers that he is irresistibly drawn to this arrogant and proud king. However, the king of the elves are not used to not getting what he wants, so he try to seduce Thorin without thinking of the consequences it may bring him.
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The Last Alone by pherede
For good Hobbit slash/mature writing check out pherede’s other fics.
Thorin is victorious, and the terms of Mirkwood’s surrender are unbearable. There might be, however, another way. And Thranduil is not above sacrificing for the good of his people.
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The Healing¬†~ Thorinduil Fanfic by |√®‚Ćh√•l √į¬≥¬ßir¬≥s
Thorin stood in awe, forgetting to breathe, as he admired the divine being that approached Thror‚Äôs throne. The ElvenKing had come to pay respect to his grandfather. Never had he laid eyes on beauty so surreal…
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Power Play by Destielixer
Thorin doesn’t really know how it turned out like this, him on his knees kneeling before Thrandiul on the throne…
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Mortal Offence by Ludovica
When the King under the Mountain, frustrated by the Elvenking’s demands, insults him and his kin with equally insolent demands of his own, it becomes apparent that Dwarven culture and Elven culture are far more different than he thought…
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Turmoil by malum_animi
While imprisoned in Mirkwood, Thorin and Company get caught up in a rebellion to overthrow Thranduil and kill his young son Legolas. When Thranduil is seriously injured protecting Legolas, Thorin realizes that his pride and hatred will lead nowhere but pain and suffering.
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Honored Guest by pherede
Thranduil will do anything to protect his own. Even submit to Thorin’s punishment for his misdeeds.
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I hope you enjoyed the recs and happy Thorinduiling ūüôā

Christmas hangover, the crackers are pulled, the wrapping is torn…

I hope everyone had a wonderful Xmas this year, for us it was a corker, but then I presume it’s always good to put things into perspective and remind yourself about what is important.

Christmas Eve was made even better with the brilliant presents under the tree.

Richard Armitage christmas tree

And for the record, there was no Richard Armitage¬†with a name tag signed For¬†AgzyM on it and he better not have appeared under some other fan’s tree or I’ll scream bloody murder ūüėČ

Believe me, the tree was¬†big enough to accommodate¬†a Richard slid under it (he’d have to be careful not to crease the red ribbon around his neck¬†though)¬†and I even decided to crank up the heater so he wouldn’t be chilly laying on the floor.

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Nevertheless, I think Santa’s on to me which was made evident when I tore open the RA/Hobbit/dwarf box.

I got a wonderful collection of Armitage¬†related goodies I’d like to share with you (the pictures NOT the presents to mitts off ladies!).

Firstly, as you may know my Magzy is a bit of a jigsaw puzzle nerd enthusiast.

I had once stated that I’d actually give puzzling a try if I ever got jigsawed Thorin and I knew I had to keep my word when I opened two Hobbit-related puzzles (cracker not included, just a misguided and failed attempt to be more artsy…).

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I’ve already completed the 500 piece Elf one and can only huff over how much bloody hair that sassy Thranduil has and how hard that part of the puzzle was.

I’ll be doing the other 1000 piece one tomorrow so look out Thorin and gang, AgzyM will be taking you part and putting you back together again!

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Apart from the jigsaw puzzles, I also finally got my hands on The Hobbit: AUJ DVD.

I haven’t checked out all the footage yet, but is it just me or do we have to change the disc in the middle of the movie?

Strange…

I also got a dose of Anime Thorin, a figure that fascinates many but just freaks Magzy out.

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He stands proudly defending my bookcase, accompanied by my other Thorin figure which I got from my BFF Max last year in London.

Is it just me or is there CLEARLY a Lego Thorin missing from my Majestic Dwarf collection?

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I’ll have to rectify that soon…

Anyway, the boys know what I value most in my home and stand guard!

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Speaking of books, I also received an item that I had been pining for meaning a paper copy of Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South.

I think I’ve mentioned it a few times that I’m very much an ebook convert and my Kindle is my prized possession, but there’s something wonderful about flipping pages, delighting in the smell of a new book.

The last piece in the Hobbit box is a bit of a head-scratcher.

May I present to you the Barrels out of Bond kit:

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I must admit that I saw on Serv’s blog (can’t find the post), this set of figures of barrelled dwarves that you paint, I thought it’d be a great idea, impulse-bought it and forwarded the info to Magzy.

I thought I’d take my time and casually paint the figures as a long-term summer project.

This is how they looked on the picture that first caught my imagination:

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This is what I got which on opening the box, made me say: The fuck is this???

(Anime Thorin serves to show you the size of the kit)

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Clearly I should have focused more on the description because the figures are tiny.

Actually, they are so tiny I’ve had to ever so lovingly point to where the they actually are in the pictures.

There’s just no way that I’ll do anything more than dip the whole figure in paint and call it a day…

I have a feeling I’ll be selling these off very soon.

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Apart from my Hobbit box¬†I also got a ton of other goodies including a pink iPhone 5c and that’s where my nightmare before after Christmas began.

iTunes hates me.

In fact it’s more iHateYouAgzy.

My relationship with iShit is so sado-masochistic I really do wonder why I bother until I take the phone into my hand, start caressing it and whispering: My Precious!

It turns out that an error had occurred in my archived file and I lost all the data from my old phone, but luckily a nice iMan managed to at least save my contacts although the rest is¬†gone and I can’t seem to save anything on the iShitCloud.

iWanttoMakeYourLifeDifficult is still working incorrectly but I feel I need to let it go for today, admit that technology had kicked my arse and prepare for battle tomorrow.

Anyway, how was your Christams?

Dish about what you found in your stocking/under the Christmas tree ūüôā

Have Yourself a Merry Dwarving Weekend!

Thorin Armitage mask

I thoroughly enjoyed the European premiere of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug in Berlin.

Now I’m ready for Richard to take off his red carpet/promotional mask and done the Thorin one.

Entertain me Oakenshield!

As you read this I’ll already be in London, roaming museums, galleries and restaurants, ¬†waiting to catch the movie on Friday afternoon, courtesy of¬†a wonderful RA friend (thanks Guylty!).

Wherever you are, whenever you get to catch the next Hobbiting Adventure, I hope you have a wonderful time!

Whether you’ll be fangirling in your 3D glasses accompanied by fellow Armitage enthusiasts, or going it alone in quiet contemplation, remember:

 Have a BLAST!

Savour each moment!

Salivate/jump up and down in your seat/swoon/reach out and try to touch the majestic dwarf if you want to!

Then let’s meet back and fangirl¬†and ooof! the heck out of this sucker ūüėČ

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The Morning After, The Walk of Shame

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This is the morning after The Hobbit live fan event and I’m experiencing a slight hangover.

First of all, I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I usually shy away from the frenzy, but this time I managed to embrace it and share it with others from our humble fandom.

I think I was a little too enthused as I feel a tad like I’ve been partying hard with a group of dwarves ūüėČ

The internet connection was exemplary (although I did have backup, just in case) and the feed was perfect.

My only complaint isn’t that there wasn’t enough Richard (duh! is there ever?) but that it ended so abruptly.

As I said on Twitter, it felt like my invite was revoked just as the party was in full swing.

Turns out, just as our feed broke, the actors also exited, which is a crying shame as I wished our RA friends would get more juicy RA details.

The highlights were Richard answering the only question he was asked.

Here’s an impromptu¬†pic I made before I forced myself to get some shut-eye:

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I really like Evangeline Lily, who no doubt is aware that some Hobbit fans are giving her evils (No hatin! she said), Lee Pace strutting his elvish stuff and the juicy additional The Hobbit: DOS clips.

*puts Sherlock dear stalker hat on*I wanted to take this opportunity to try to deduce a little something about what Richard has been up to.

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The long curls are still in tact, he also seems to be growing a beard.

The thing that struck me was how slender he looked.

Not quite Spooks Lucas North season 7, but I think it’s safe to say that Richard isn’t preparing to shoot an action movie.

The question is, does this slimmer frame mean he’s actually auditioning/preparing/shooting something or is it just the strain of shooting three films back to back, relocating to NY?

Does he perhaps miss English food and his mother’s cooking?

I wish he’d make it easier to deduce by, I don’t know, having a script sticking out from his (gorgeous) leather coat pocket or accidentally spilling the beans by using another character’s name instead of Thorin.

As always. Richard knows what’s going on, but he’s not telling!

We’ll get you next time though, Mr A!

Care to do some deducing of your own?

What to expect when you’re expecting (The Hobbit Fan Event on Monday)

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The Nov 4th Fan Event for The Hobbit is upon us and at this point all we can do is speculate what treats are in store for us.

As I was going down my Twitter feed it was wonderful to see so many of my RA friends score tickets to see the cast in either NY or London.

Magzy asked me whether I was jealous and I truthfully answered that yes, but not in the obvious way.

It would be much worse if Richard was in London as it’d be extremely difficult but doable to try to make it work.

As RA is in NY, beside logistic issues (like a 10 hour flight), the US isn’t getting a tourist penny from me until they get rid of tourist visas (seeing that we ARE citizens of the EU).

Therefore, there wasn’t any way in hell to bend reality to fit with my fangirl desires.

Zdjńôcie: The new trailer for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug will be unveiled tomorrow (Tuesday, October 1st) at 6am PT / 9am ET!Share if you're counting down!

I have to admit that reading fan encounters always delight me and I hope our fellow admirers show us with insider info.

¬†I’m always proud¬†of the conduct of our fandom members on RA impact, despite probably being on the verge of exploding, they usually manage a calm cool exterior and represent us well.

It’s also easier for me to live vicariously through another fan, I can just imagine myself in this situation, I giggle (and sometime squirm) reading the details and I get a rush that is probably almost as intense as the lucky fan felt on meeting Richard… almost…

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The event will take place at 11pm on Monday AT (meaning Agzy time), so could be worse.

I’ll be bundled up in bed with my laptop, refreshing the page every few seconds, trying not to think about having to get up the next day at 6am.

I’ll give watching¬†everything go down¬†in real time a go, although it felt odd during 2012 SD: Comic-Con and I quickly abandoned trying to keep up.

RA tablet

What can we expect?

Difficult to guess.

My bet is that because there are four host cities, we aren’t going to see that much of Richard, especially that he’ll be joined by a teenage girl¬†Orlando Bloom and much of the attention will be focused on Legolas (the name¬†comes from the Scottish ‘lass’ and Lego because he delivers his lines like he was made of plastic… OK, not really…).

The event poster claims there will be live Q&A and exclusive footage shown, but I’ll be the judge of how exclusive that footage feels ūüėČ

The event is dubbed a FAN event, so I hope we’ll be able to satisfy our FAN appetites!

What would you like to see on Monday?

Are there any questions you’d like Richard to be asked?

“Dear Diary, Dwarves dropped by for Dinner” A Halloween Hobbit Ficlet

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Dear Diary,

What an evening I have had!

As I was settling in for a nice quite evening in front of the fire, undisturbed by Tooks, Brandybucks, Gamgees, Hartfoots and all the other nosey Hobbits coming around, eating my food, drinking my wine, trying to offload their daughters, the most extraordinary thing happened.

Would you believe that a whole company of dwarves came crashing through my door insisting to keep ME company!

The only company I needed for company tonight was a nice fried fish and a cup of nice tea to accompany it!

Zombie dwarves hobbit

Let me tell you, dwarves are not at all what I had imagined.

Apparently that giant bearded stalker I mentioned a while back, lurking around mummy’s rose bushes making a racket,¬†decided to invite all his chums to my house this evening.

I knew beardy was trouble the first time I laid eyes on him and I should have turned the sprinklers on to shoo him away.

¬†Mummy always said never to¬†trust¬†anyone who couldn’t be bothered to put on a nice crisp shirt on¬†in the morning.

Who knows what he keeps tucked away under that grey robe, which I presume started out white, but I shall have to count the family silver before he leaves.

And, although proper Hobbits don’t talk of such things, have you seen the size of his pipe?

Compensating much Gandalf? (if that’s even your real name, weirdo…).

Anyway, here I was protecting my home from the onslaught of this motley crew, defending the honour of my poor violated pantry, catching flying cutlery and mugs, and listening to them moaning about mountains, caves and the like.

Maybe they like geography? I like cheese and onion pie but you don’t hear me serenading it!

And what’s the point of a tune you can’t dance to?

Miserable lot…

The Hobbit dwarves Halloween

And if “Gandalf” looks scruffy, this¬†bunch is just the limit.

I’d heard dwarves like to fight, but they look like they’ve just come back from a scuff with a pack of rabid boar!

Clothes torn, blood dripping from festering wounds, patches of hair yanked out from their scalps.

I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of a bone or sinew.

You try eating your supper staring at an almost torn off ear hanging by just a thread.

Do I really need a sign that says: “Leave your axes by the door! Yes, even the one lodged in your head”?

Being the host that I am, I offered to bring bandages, especially that they were bleeding all over Aunt Rosie’s rug, but they all just laughed.

Dwarf sense of humour? I don’t get it…

“An Orc, a Troll and an Elf walk into a bar…”- now, that’s a joke!

Halloween Thorin Kili Fili

Anyway, as the evening progressed I found myself slowly dozing off as there’s only so much a poor Hobbit can take.

The Wizard kept banging on about not getting any peace (I know how that feels…), not being able to rest (again, sounds familiar), until their home is reclaimed (so he does get how naughty he was inviting this lot round!).

He insisted I confirm I understand what he’s saying, and as I looked around at muddied boots trampling my rugs, all I could do was nod.

I appreciate the mea culpa gesture “wizard”,¬†but I hope you know a spell that will clean up this awful mess.

Grey kept harping on, using the phrase “roaming the earth in unrest” but the only roaming I saw was to and fro my emptying pantry!

Quite frankly I’m not surprised this lot got locked out of their dwellings because¬†the smell of these creatures is stifling.

¬†I’ll be airing the place out for weeks to come.

There’ve been more pleasant aromas coming out of Old Mother Took’s kitchen, and that’s saying a lot!

¬†I don’t know what passes¬†for polite and¬†stimulating¬†conversation where this bunch is from, but burglary (excuse me, but you’ll find that’s illegal), dragons (¬†The Easter Bunny’s BFF) and maps (enough with the geography already!)¬†just isn’t my cup of tea.

And another thing, these dwarves seem to be autograph collectors or something as they asked me to put my name on a piece of dodgy parchment.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them I’m no one famous, apart from my prize winning pumpkin patch,¬†and my signature will hardly enrich their collection.

Maybe they needed a Hobbit one to round up the whole set?

It seemed to make them happy and shut them up, although that meant that they scoffed down more of my apple strudel.

I must have dozed off again because I could have sworn that when the fat one was gulping down a mug of wine, it all came trickling out from the apparent wound he had in his belly.

I hope he mopped that up.

Thorin Halloween zombie

I awoke to mummy’s tea pot with the pretty rose pattern¬†flying across the dining room, just as Thorin mentioned heading out tomorrow.

Good riddance stinkies and make sure you take beardy with you!

I hope the first stop you make is at a stream for a good scrub, so you’ll stop inflicting your fly-drawing¬†stench onto the world.

And if you’re going to pinch anything before you go, might I suggest taking a bar of soap.

This is perhaps¬†how you do¬†things in Dwarfville, but¬†that’s not how we roll¬†in the Shire!

Dear Diary, it has been a testing day, but it’ll all seem better in the morning.

Remind me to change the locks, get an electric fence, and dwarf/wizard repellent so we won’t ever have a repeat from¬†today’s catastrophe.

Night night,

Bilbo

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