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“Dear Diary, Dwarves dropped by for Dinner” A Halloween Hobbit Ficlet

the-hobbit-dwarves-as-zombies

Dear Diary,

What an evening I have had!

As I was settling in for a nice quite evening in front of the fire, undisturbed by Tooks, Brandybucks, Gamgees, Hartfoots and all the other nosey Hobbits coming around, eating my food, drinking my wine, trying to offload their daughters, the most extraordinary thing happened.

Would you believe that a whole company of dwarves came crashing through my door insisting to keep ME company!

The only company I needed for company tonight was a nice fried fish and a cup of nice tea to accompany it!

Zombie dwarves hobbit

Let me tell you, dwarves are not at all what I had imagined.

Apparently that giant bearded stalker I mentioned a while back, lurking around mummy’s rose bushes making a racket, decided to invite all his chums to my house this evening.

I knew beardy was trouble the first time I laid eyes on him and I should have turned the sprinklers on to shoo him away.

 Mummy always said never to trust anyone who couldn’t be bothered to put on a nice crisp shirt on in the morning.

Who knows what he keeps tucked away under that grey robe, which I presume started out white, but I shall have to count the family silver before he leaves.

And, although proper Hobbits don’t talk of such things, have you seen the size of his pipe?

Compensating much Gandalf? (if that’s even your real name, weirdo…).

Anyway, here I was protecting my home from the onslaught of this motley crew, defending the honour of my poor violated pantry, catching flying cutlery and mugs, and listening to them moaning about mountains, caves and the like.

Maybe they like geography? I like cheese and onion pie but you don’t hear me serenading it!

And what’s the point of a tune you can’t dance to?

Miserable lot…

The Hobbit dwarves Halloween

And if “Gandalf” looks scruffy, this bunch is just the limit.

I’d heard dwarves like to fight, but they look like they’ve just come back from a scuff with a pack of rabid boar!

Clothes torn, blood dripping from festering wounds, patches of hair yanked out from their scalps.

I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of a bone or sinew.

You try eating your supper staring at an almost torn off ear hanging by just a thread.

Do I really need a sign that says: “Leave your axes by the door! Yes, even the one lodged in your head”?

Being the host that I am, I offered to bring bandages, especially that they were bleeding all over Aunt Rosie’s rug, but they all just laughed.

Dwarf sense of humour? I don’t get it…

“An Orc, a Troll and an Elf walk into a bar…”- now, that’s a joke!

Halloween Thorin Kili Fili

Anyway, as the evening progressed I found myself slowly dozing off as there’s only so much a poor Hobbit can take.

The Wizard kept banging on about not getting any peace (I know how that feels…), not being able to rest (again, sounds familiar), until their home is reclaimed (so he does get how naughty he was inviting this lot round!).

He insisted I confirm I understand what he’s saying, and as I looked around at muddied boots trampling my rugs, all I could do was nod.

I appreciate the mea culpa gesture “wizard”, but I hope you know a spell that will clean up this awful mess.

Grey kept harping on, using the phrase “roaming the earth in unrest” but the only roaming I saw was to and fro my emptying pantry!

Quite frankly I’m not surprised this lot got locked out of their dwellings because the smell of these creatures is stifling.

 I’ll be airing the place out for weeks to come.

There’ve been more pleasant aromas coming out of Old Mother Took’s kitchen, and that’s saying a lot!

 I don’t know what passes for polite and stimulating conversation where this bunch is from, but burglary (excuse me, but you’ll find that’s illegal), dragons ( The Easter Bunny’s BFF) and maps (enough with the geography already!) just isn’t my cup of tea.

And another thing, these dwarves seem to be autograph collectors or something as they asked me to put my name on a piece of dodgy parchment.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them I’m no one famous, apart from my prize winning pumpkin patch, and my signature will hardly enrich their collection.

Maybe they needed a Hobbit one to round up the whole set?

It seemed to make them happy and shut them up, although that meant that they scoffed down more of my apple strudel.

I must have dozed off again because I could have sworn that when the fat one was gulping down a mug of wine, it all came trickling out from the apparent wound he had in his belly.

I hope he mopped that up.

Thorin Halloween zombie

I awoke to mummy’s tea pot with the pretty rose pattern flying across the dining room, just as Thorin mentioned heading out tomorrow.

Good riddance stinkies and make sure you take beardy with you!

I hope the first stop you make is at a stream for a good scrub, so you’ll stop inflicting your fly-drawing stench onto the world.

And if you’re going to pinch anything before you go, might I suggest taking a bar of soap.

This is perhaps how you do things in Dwarfville, but that’s not how we roll in the Shire!

Dear Diary, it has been a testing day, but it’ll all seem better in the morning.

Remind me to change the locks, get an electric fence, and dwarf/wizard repellent so we won’t ever have a repeat from today’s catastrophe.

Night night,

Bilbo

Thorin’s Majestic Dear Diary Rec

Thorin Oakenshield The Hobbit Dear Diary Majestic

It’s the bad blogger (who’s doing her best) here!

Ya know, the one who either doesn’t post or posts fillers, and wouldn’t you know it, I have a bit of a filler for you today (again), but this one is Oh! so good.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been enjoying Hobbit related fanfiction, and today I’d like to share the single funniest one EVER!

Thorin Oakenshield’s Majestic Diary ,written by had me laughing out loud!

Just imagine the majestic king writing a diary that Bridget Jones would be proud of, determined NOT to fancy the Hobbit burglar, and trying to tolerate his idiot nephews.

And Gandalf?

He’s an: “intimidatingly powerful wizard as well as a weed-smoking tree-hugger who deals in illegal fireworks”.

This really is very funny and I hope it brightens up your Saturday 🙂

Thorin Richard Armitage glasses

Have a wonderful weekend!

50 Shades of Thorin Oakenshield

In Brian Sibley’s In The Hobbit:  Official Movie Guide, Richard Armitage is quoted as saying:

“I know there are a million people out there for whom I will probably not be their version of Thorin, but I can only be my version of Thorin”.

I think we’d all struggle to image that the head dwarf could be played by anyone else but our lovely Richard Armitage.

Here are some other images of Thorin Oakenshield that I could find.

I know which one I like most, but I am hardly objective in this matter 🙂

Let’s start with an image from Card for ‘Lord of the Rings LCG’ by Fantasy Flight Games.

Lord of the Rings Online Game presents Thorin with flat head full of grey hair.

thorin.jpg

Lord of the Rings.org has an image of Thorin that certainly captures the madness and intensity.

At The Hobbit CED you have to wonder of Thorin and Gandalf are twins.

Over at Armchair general Thorin seems like a bit of a porker with evident wrinkles.

Jay Johnstone channels the icon version of Thorin.

Which Thorin is your favorite?

Only joking, but they are interesting, I think you’ll agree..

By the way, how about some Thorin Extra Grande Champagne Cognac.

Bottoms Up!

Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in…

I’ve decided to cut down on the ‘nuts’ regarding The Hobbit and focus on other things till mid December.

You might say I’ve put myself in a Thorin time out as it’s getting crazier by the day.

I started feeling a bit annoyed with all the merchandise on offer and the expectation that I’d want to spend any money before I know if the movie is any good.

Yes, I know the film will be amazing, but I’d like to be given a chance to make my own mind.

I really just want to see the film as oppose to reading about it and being teased with it.

Just when I thought I’d be keeping my cool, I came across the images from EMPIRE Magazine Cover.

They really aren’t making things easy on me 🙂

The images are mesmerizing and makes me think that Sir PJ is using some witchcraft to get us all hooked.

Stunning gifs!

By the way, I’ve come across my first Polish poster and it was extremely underwhelming and here’s why.

Firstly, the only image I’ve seen is of Gandalf.

It’s not that I don’t like the quirky wizard, but he’s no Thorin.

Secondly, check out what it says at the bottom of the poster.

It translates as:

In cinemas from 28th of December 2012.

How very dare they!!!

More Hobbit Funnies on a Silly Sunday

I can’t help finding these very funny!

I especially like the Sherlock reference, because, if you remember, Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are both evolved with The Hobbit.

 I hope everyone has a laugh and a giggle on this Silly Sunday 🙂

1 Day till Richard’s Birthday! Operation Armitage Competition!

Welcome to the countdown to Richard Armitage’s Birthday!

Congrats to yesterday’s winner!

This is the last day of Operation Armitage, and your last chance to get your hands on a cotton shopping bag, with an amazing illustration by  Seba, from Gisborne’s Boy.

Thank You Seba for working so hard on these illustrations!

It’s been an absolute pleasure, and I hope you will soon forget how difficult it has been, so we can work on a project soon!

Congratulations to the winners.

If you haven’t been lucky, not to worry.

Tomorrow, on Armitage Day, I will be posting a very special picture created by Seba, as well as a step-by-step guide on how to make your very own Armitage print goodie!

The Hobbit related image we have in store for you tomorrow is simply beautiful, and I bet you’ll want it on your T-shirt or bag 🙂

I will also be awarding a prize to one of my super loyal readers, who happens to be the one who has commented most on my blog, so please stop by!

It’s the last day of the Operation Armitage Birthday Countdown.

I know some of you really REALLY!!! want to get their hands on the Armitage Bag, so I’ve decided to help your luck!

Let me introduce:

The Richard Armitage Hunger Games Twist!!!

You can give multiple answers to the competition question.

Each time you do, your name will be put in the box.

The more times you answer, the more times your name appears in the box, the bigger chance you have of winning!!!

You can litter that box with your name, leaving you opponents far behind 😉

Mwaahhaaahhaaahaa!

Either I’m very good, or terribly nasty, but let’s see who wants it bad enough 🙂

To read about the rules, please go  HERE.

This whole week has been a barrel of laughs, so it’s only fitting that the last cotton shopping bag has this print on it!

Bilbo is adorable, although I’m not a fan of hairy toes 😉

I wonder if dwarves also have hairy feet.

On second thought, I’d rather not know!

Remember that if you want to strut to the cinema to see The Hobbit with this bag on your shoulder, please leave the answer to the following question in comments and keep your fingers crossed.

Bear in mind The Richard Armitage Hunger Games Twist!

The question is:

Why is Thorin juggling fish?

Comments close at 12pm GMT tomorrow!

Please make sure I have the means to contact you either by email or Twitter!

Also tomorrow, there is a special Seba image for all the RA fans, and a guide on how to print it on your T-shirt or bag at home!

Good Luck!

Comments are CLOSED!

Sir PJ’s Vlog #8. Pull out the umbrellas, put on your wellies! It’s RAining Thorin!

That Peter Jackson!

He really did deliver the RA hotness in Vlog 8!

The man took us to the edge of despair by hiding (for the most part) our precious from us in previous vlogs, but when he brings out the goodies, he doesn’t mess about 🙂

Here are a few shots from Heirs of Durin.

Sir Peter Jackson unveils the new Thorin waxwork at Madame Tussauds

Forget “Message in a bottle”

How about “Sexy in a Barrel”?

Richard Armitage discusses the intricacies of making papier-mâché  trees.

Sometimes you just get that feeling like someone’s following you…

Peter Jackson has to explain to Sir Ian once again that he can’t read from the script while shooting a scene.

More images from RAConfessions:

Being sexy is like throwing fish out of a barrel for Thorin

You know what they say about men with large feet…

They need bloody enormous boots!

Now we know where that 0,5 inch came from!

Those heavy boots have stretched his legs out!

(For my Polish readers: To prędzej chyba Hobbut!)

sketchlavie:</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>didsomeonesayguyofgisborne:</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>suddenwaves:</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>SHORTS!</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>SHORTS!</p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<p>this must be the best monday in the history of RArmy.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />

.

Never took Armitage for a man who needed padding 😉

Gif: Yokisobaru

.

Armitage compares barrels and estimates his is waaaay bigger than the others…

From The One Ring

Who can spot our Precious?

My guess is this, but I may be wrong:

Another option, suggested by Crapitycrap 🙂

It makes sense, as the figure is standing in the background, but no one else is in character, so I’m not sure why RA would be wearing his Thorin wig.

What a lovely morning it is 😉

BTW:

Move over Vasey, there’s a new Sheriff in town!

Our Sebababy has a blog called Gisbornes Boy!

Make sure you stop by, the blog is as adorable as he is 🙂

Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Reality

I have to hand it to Sir PJ.

The man is an absolute genious.

He has managed to transform the Tolkien world of the Hobbit.

Here is a comaprison of the 1970’s animated versions of J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy novels about the Hobbits and Middle-earth, and the reality created by Peter jackson.

The 13 dwarves

 

 Bilbo Baggins

Gandalf

Thorin Oakenshield

Fili and Kili

Nori, Ori, and Dori

Gloin and Oin

Bofur, Bifur, and Bombur

Dwalin

Balin

Elrond

Gollum

Barrel Escape

'The Hobbit' movie images

I have to admit, Sir PJ has taken the world of the Hobbit, and created something quite special.

December really couldn’t come soon enough 🙂

The New Panoramic Picture of The Hobbit – and I like the view!

And so it begins!

Prepare yourself, as it has started raining the Hobbit!

I’ve heard voices that the Hobbit should be renamed the Dwarf.

Something to ponder, Sir PJ!

The new panorama picture is breathtaking! Thanks Bccmee!

I started to take it apart, then I found that The One Ring had done a brilliant job of it.

Best leave the analysis to the more knowledgeable!

The storybook picture really is brilliant for people who know The Hobbit very well.

If, like me, you need a helping hand, I highly recommend you check out their post.

We, the RA fans, always knew Richard Armitage is an incredible actor, and would excel in any role.

Luckily, Sir PJ and his people saw potential in Richard, and gave him one of the leading parts in such a big project.

Now, the rest of the world will learn about him.

Does that make us, the Armitage admirers, superior in our taste, as we recognized his talent long before most people had?

I’d like to think the answer is YES! 🙂

He looks majestic and proud!

And that’s just how I feel when I look at this picture of Armitage.

My favorite section of the panoramic pic is this:

It shows Gandalf arriving at Bag End.

Then it moves on to The Unexpected Party, with the dwarves drinking to the success of their mission, and Gandalf looking on, sensing that trouble may lay ahead.

The right side shows Thorin and Bilbo, and the troll cauldron.

It will make you wish December was here!

Two Jolly Amazing British Gentlemen

I’m continuing on my quest to get to know other Hobbit actors.

The first one was the mouth-watering Aidan Turner, who I hope to see plenty of in the future.

The next choice of actors was inspired by a post I found on The Potions Mistress.

For the record, I’d just like to say that this is not another post about whether Richard Armitage is or is not gay.

I have the most amazing readers and people who comment here (do I tell you that often enough?), so I have no doubt that you will understand my point.

This topic has appeared on other blogs, has been discussed at length, nothing exceptionally good has come of it, and this is something I would like to avoid. Every rational human being has an opinion on the topic, and the truth is we just don’t know.

Many people don’t care either way.

I’d like to keep it that way 🙂

The actors I’d like to mention here today have a lot in common.

They both epitomise The British Actor.

They are both very characteristic, and have a huge following.

They are both in the Hobbit.

They are both openly gay.

Sir Ian McKellen plays Gandalf the Grey, returning to the part, which he played in The Lord of The Rings Trilogy.

I don’t about you, but he IS Gandalf the wizard to me.

The other is Stephen Fry, who plays the part of The Master of Laketown, although many associate him with his comedic roles, like in the Blackadder series

I simply adore these two.

Both are my list of 5 ideal guests you’d invite to a dinner party.

They are what we could call the quintessencial British Gentlemen.

They’ve both taken active part in trying to save the pub called The Hobbit, after the American firm which owns the copyright to a number of J.R.R. Tolkien’s works  – ordered the owners of the Southampton, England pub to change the name or face  legal action. They’ve gone one step further by offering financial support.

They are both openly gay, and I think could serve as an example to other actors who, out of fear for their careers, choose to remain in the closet. They are proof that a talented actor who is openly gay, will always find good parts, and can have incredibly successful careers, which span decades.

Sir Ian appeared as himself in Extras, where he gives Andy (played by Ricky Gervais) advice on playing a gay character.

He also goes on the describe his ‘acting process’.

Every time I hear an actor talking about ‘his method’, I am reminded of this clip.

This is by far the funniest clip EVER, and shows how Sir Ian can make fun of himself.

Talking about Extras, Stephan Fry also appeared in an episode.

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