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Now the dust has settled, something to ponder on a Sunday…

I have a very serious question to ask, one that’s been bothering me for some time:

Who does the dusting in Middle Earth?

OK, there may be more pressing hygiene issues like the evident lack of plumbing, although there was one thing I was happy to see:

Warg Thorin

Let me zoom in for you:

clean up after your warg

Well, at least there’s that…

But seriously, if no one did the cleaning Beorn would live in a pig sty…


OK, bad example seeing that animals actually do live there and I presume a healthy spraying of Febreze is in order.

I wonder if Beorn’s shape-shifting abilities extend to rubber gloves and a bottle of bleach.


Coincidence? Maybe not…

Don’t even get me started on Mirkwood and that Moose Throne.


I just struggle to imagine Legolas going around with a feather duster and giving the chambers a once over.

And when he does his chores, does he get distracted by the cool things he finds:

Look, here are those dwarves I forgot we locked up a few days ago, I wondered where those had got to…

What I think  more probable is that Thraduil flaps his snazzy cape around every so often and that the dusting sorted for a few days.

Once the cape is worn out he probably thinks: another one bites the dust…


Erebor? Dustabor more like!

How do they reach the cobwebs with those high ceiling halls?


Seriously, how do you go around giving the ol’ chamber filled with gold a light dusting?

I bet Smaug would be the best at keeping the place clean- he’s good at housekeeping… and goldkeeping…

I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw Thorin with a broom- I know he swept me off my feet…

stop looking at me like that, you knew that one way coming so don’t kick up dust…


Even Hobbiton is a cleaning mystery to me.

Bilbo’s hole in the ground seems up-kept, but who does the vacuuming?


Does he have a nice Took lady come in twice a week to tidy up (although I bet she doesn’t do windows…)?

This is one issue to ponder and I can only regret that Tolkien never brought it up.

Maybe now we shall never know…

About Agzy The Ripper

Sew, Rip, Repeat... and love each moment of it! Join me as I embark on a myriad of sewing and crafting shenanigans.

13 responses »

  1. You had me at Febreze, lol.

    • I loved Febreze when I was living in NY. Unfortunately in Poland we don’t have it and just stick to the tried and tested washing machine to get things to smell nice and fresh 😉

      • I use baking soda on most things and hydrogen peroxide for disinfecting but in my son’s room Febreze is a must, lol!

        • That is hilarious! I will throw 1/2 of America under the bus and say that we have some serious addiction to chemical scent cover ups …you must check out Poo-Pourri and watch the YouTube ad. OMG! 😀

          • Weren’t you and I just talking about being preoccupied with the bodily functions of other people, lol?

  2. Remember that dwarves are very good at washing up! It seems they have to be, because dwarf women (and indeed females of any variety) are rather sparse on the ground in Middle Earth. I really feel the absence of Mrs. Smaug…

  3. Well, since my Lego’s Bilbo’s house came with a teeny tiny broom, someone cleans it. LOL

  4. My quads are burning at the thought of all those stairs in Thranduil’s kingdom…Ugh. How ’bout no? lol

  5. I’d totally fit in in Middle Earth.


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