“Dear Diary, Dwarves dropped by for Dinner” A Halloween Hobbit Ficlet

Dear Diary,

What an evening I have had!

As I was settling in for a nice quite evening in front of the fire, undisturbed by Tooks, Brandybucks, Gamgees, Hartfoots and all the other nosey Hobbits coming around, eating my food, drinking my wine, trying to offload their daughters, the most extraordinary thing happened.

Would you believe that a whole company of dwarves came crashing through my door insisting to keep ME company!

The only company I needed for company tonight was a nice fried fish and a cup of nice tea to accompany it!

Let me tell you, dwarves are not at all what I had imagined.

Apparently that giant bearded stalker I mentioned a while back, lurking around mummy’s rose bushes making a racket, decided to invite all his chums to my house this evening.

I knew beardy was trouble the first time I laid eyes on him and I should have turned the sprinklers on to shoo him away.

 Mummy always said never to trust anyone who couldn’t be bothered to put on a nice crisp shirt on in the morning.

Who knows what he keeps tucked away under that grey robe, which I presume started out white, but I shall have to count the family silver before he leaves.

And, although proper Hobbits don’t talk of such things, have you seen the size of his pipe?

Compensating much Gandalf? (if that’s even your real name, weirdo…).

Anyway, here I was protecting my home from the onslaught of this motley crew, defending the honour of my poor violated pantry, catching flying cutlery and mugs, and listening to them moaning about mountains, caves and the like.

Maybe they like geography? I like cheese and onion pie but you don’t hear me serenading it!

And what’s the point of a tune you can’t dance to?

Miserable lot…

And if “Gandalf” looks scruffy, this bunch is just the limit.

I’d heard dwarves like to fight, but they look like they’ve just come back from a scuff with a pack of rabid boar!

Clothes torn, blood dripping from festering wounds, patches of hair yanked out from their scalps.

I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of a bone or sinew.

You try eating your supper staring at an almost torn off ear hanging by just a thread.

Do I really need a sign that says: “Leave your axes by the door! Yes, even the one lodged in your head”?

Being the host that I am, I offered to bring bandages, especially that they were bleeding all over Aunt Rosie’s rug, but they all just laughed.

Dwarf sense of humour? I don’t get it…

“An Orc, a Troll and an Elf walk into a bar…”- now, that’s a joke!

Anyway, as the evening progressed I found myself slowly dozing off as there’s only so much a poor Hobbit can take.

The Wizard kept banging on about not getting any peace (I know how that feels…), not being able to rest (again, sounds familiar), until their home is reclaimed (so he does get how naughty he was inviting this lot round!).

He insisted I confirm I understand what he’s saying, and as I looked around at muddied boots trampling my rugs, all I could do was nod.

I appreciate the mea culpa gesture “wizard”, but I hope you know a spell that will clean up this awful mess.

Grey kept harping on, using the phrase “roaming the earth in unrest” but the only roaming I saw was to and fro my emptying pantry!

Quite frankly I’m not surprised this lot got locked out of their dwellings because the smell of these creatures is stifling.

 I’ll be airing the place out for weeks to come.

There’ve been more pleasant aromas coming out of Old Mother Took’s kitchen, and that’s saying a lot!

 I don’t know what passes for polite and stimulating conversation where this bunch is from, but burglary (excuse me, but you’ll find that’s illegal), dragons ( The Easter Bunny’s BFF) and maps (enough with the geography already!) just isn’t my cup of tea.

And another thing, these dwarves seem to be autograph collectors or something as they asked me to put my name on a piece of dodgy parchment.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them I’m no one famous, apart from my prize winning pumpkin patch, and my signature will hardly enrich their collection.

Maybe they needed a Hobbit one to round up the whole set?

It seemed to make them happy and shut them up, although that meant that they scoffed down more of my apple strudel.

I must have dozed off again because I could have sworn that when the fat one was gulping down a mug of wine, it all came trickling out from the apparent wound he had in his belly.

I hope he mopped that up.

I awoke to mummy’s tea pot with the pretty rose pattern flying across the dining room, just as Thorin mentioned heading out tomorrow.

Good riddance stinkies and make sure you take beardy with you!

I hope the first stop you make is at a stream for a good scrub, so you’ll stop inflicting your fly-drawing stench onto the world.

And if you’re going to pinch anything before you go, might I suggest taking a bar of soap.

This is perhaps how you do things in Dwarfville, but that’s not how we roll in the Shire!

Dear Diary, it has been a testing day, but it’ll all seem better in the morning.

Remind me to change the locks, get an electric fence, and dwarf/wizard repellent so we won’t ever have a repeat from today’s catastrophe.

Night night,

Bilbo

I’ll dress you up in my love Richard, and other Halloween costume ideas!

I’m continuing Halloween Week here at IWantToBeAPinUp, and the last post is scheduled for tomorrow.

Today I though I’d give Richard a hand and suggest some Halloween costume ideas, just in case he’s heading our for a party tomorrow (and I’m not even going to moan that he’s not taking me with him…).

First up, a Halloween classic:

Let me just go on the record as stating that Richard can suck on my neck any time, and it doesn’t actually only have to be the neck for that matter…

If Halloween terrors are not your thing, here is a nod towards The Vicar of Dibley.

I though Richard could go dressed as the Dibley Easter Bunny.

*avoiding filthy “Hey, that’s a big carrot you got there Bunny Richard” jokes*

How about a mind mess: the guy who plays Thorin dressing up as Thorin?

Better than the original costume, me thinks…

Last but not least, if this can’t be Richard’s Halloween costume, can it at least be his jammies?

Howdy to you partner!

*again, I shall refrain from any Woody jokes, but those pants leave little to the imagination…*

Happy Halloween!

“All that Once Was is Lost” A Thorin Halloween Ficlet

I wanted to do something special this Halloween, so I decided to write a tiny ficlet about Thorin.

I’m not a writer by any stretch of the imagination and this is my first attempt, so I hope you’ll be understanding.

I’ve taken some liberties with the story, especially with the idea that once the Durin dwarves passed away, the line was broken, which isn’t true as Thorin’s cousin took over.

Nothing about Thorin’s life was easy, why should the afterlife be any different?

He sees  the mountain in the distance, shrouded in clouds that hang low above the iced cap.

All that once was is lost.

Everything he loved had turned to dust, only echoes of people and places remain, delicately vibrating somewhere deep within him.

The Durin Dwarves, once a noble family of kings, is now reduced to tales recorded in books by careful scribes,  told around campfires over a jug of beer, whispered to children at bedtime.

Nothing remains but his wandering spirit, trapped on Earth to roam the familiar lands.

As his body fell on the battleground and his blood seeped into the scorched earth, his soul had not been greeted by his forefathers in the grand halls of Mandos.

There was no feast in his honour, nor toasts of fine red wine raised to celebrate his glorious time on earth.

His beloved nephews did not intonate a song vivating their victorious battle, nor where their voices of praise joined by his ancestors.

He did not return to the earth, as the elves believed, turned into stone from which dwarves were made of.

Aule had devised a cruel fate for the one he had created in the chamber beneath the mountains of Middle Earth, the beloved son of Durin kings, leader and defender of his people.

He stays here trapped, looking but not seeing, listening but not hearing, feeling nothing but regret at all that had come to pass.

Gone is the burning desire for gold and treasures, he can taste the remberence of proud utterances passed through his lips, but what they were, he cannot recall.

He gazes upon Erebor and a faint emotion flutters in his heart.

Is it despair, regret, passion?

What strange memories stir within him, disturbing the nothingness of his purgatory existence?

Whatever possessed his soul in life had now left an ice cold emptiness deep inside him, a vacuum in which thoughts of a distant time long past resonated in echoing vibrations.

If he could feel anything anymore, his spirit would burn as if Smaug’s breath still cast fire on the treasure his ancestors had kept hidden from greedy hands.

His heart would swell with pride and love at the thought of Fili and Kili, his beloved nephews, who stood by his side and fought like the heirs of great warriors they were.

What fate Aule had in store for them he did not know , but Thráin’s grandsons did not carry on the line of Durin, of that he was certain.

He uttered words resembling a pray, a hope that the brothers were together in the afterlife, spared the pain of loneliness, an existence in limbo.

Jewels, which reflected sparkles in his eyes, threw shadows onto his noble features, caught the light of the flickering candles and torches, and glistened on the walls of the halls of generations of kings, all was lost.

Nothing remains but distant memories that haunt.

The Picture of Richard Armitage or The Secret of RA Youth

Today marks the start of RA Halloween Week (OK, technically it’s Halloween 4 days, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it…).

I’ll be serving up the usual mayhem and madness, but I’ll also be trying out some new things like a ficlet or two, so I hope you’ll have yourself a spooky week 4 days.

It’s also the only time when the following image makes any sense:

Richard just looks better with age, there’s no denying it, but what’s the man’s secret?

Maybe a portrait hidden somewhere in his (alleged) NY abode?

One that shows all of his deepest darkest secrets that he wants to keep away from the prying eyes of his fans (sleepless nights partying, one too many shots of Russian vodka, a love of chocolate ice-cream…).

So now you know, but don’t mention it to Richard, he’s very touchy on the subject 😉

What other beauty tips does RA use to keep us fangirls salivating yearning?

Stereotype Sunday: Waving the Polish Flag or Kocham Cię Rysiek!

I missed Stereotype Sunday last week because of college, but I’m back with a moan roar this week.

I don’t want to be accused of dishing it out but not being able to take it, so today I’m tackling my mother land Poland.

It’s a difficult task for a number of reasons:

I don’t have the outsider perspective that allows me to pick out the most characteristic features of my country.

I’m not sure how characteristic we are in general.

Nevertheless, I googled the top stereotypes connected to Poland and this is what I came up with:

The top thing associated with my country is kiełbasa (btw, it’s pronounced kiew (like window)basa not kielbasa).

Vodka is also popular, as is Chopin ( who is NOT French, thanks very much), and we’re generally know for our love of football, although less said about our national team the better 😉

Many people still think we’re in the midst of communism, and that we’re also seen as religious zealots.

BTW, have you noticed that Polish RA fans refer to him as Rysiek?

It’s a short for Ryszard (pronounced ryshard).

Anyway, this is Rysiek stereotyping my country :

Football, kiełbasa, vodka…

And here’s something from the Tatry Mountains, our góral, meaning mountain folk:

As well as their arch enemies Krakowiaki:

And last but not least, the most recognisable Pole, Ryszard Wałęsa:

All together now: Kocham Cię Rysiek!!!

Can I please now go back to stereotypes of other countries?

Arty Farty Friday: Fabulous Fashionistas

I know last week’s Arty Farty Friday was about fashion but I came across a wonderful and uplifting documentary Fabulous Fashionistas and wanted to share it with you.

It’s a story of six women, average age of 80, who have redefined what old age is.

No frumpy frocks and orthopaedic shoes for this lot!

No botox, facelifts and beige.

These women love life, colour and fashion and are wonderful role models, not only for pensioners.

This is feel-good viewing and a lesson on how to make the most out of the time we have left!

When in doubt, Craft It Out!

There actually wasn’t going to be a post today as nothing has really inspired me in the past few days and the only idea I had was resisting me today, but I will try to tackle it tomorrow.

I figured I might as well share what I’ve been doing and (unfortunately for some)  I’m still feeling crafty.

As some of you may know, I’ve been trying out making cabochon and resin jewellery for some time, with mixed results.

I’ve been ordering elements from Beads.pl (a Polish online shop) and they’ve been accumulating at an alarming rate in my DIY basket (yup, that’s a thing!), so it was high time I rolled up my sleeves and got to it.

I decided to make a brooch that will be pinned into my new warn autumn coat, and who better to accompany me on my daily duties than Mr Thornton (I’m officially addicted to that image!).

I also opted for a ring with a Tamara Lempicka Art Deco image, a pair of Fairy Pin Up and Roy Lichtenstein earrings and other bits and bobs.

I had a cabochon for the brooch, but the other pieces are covered with Diamond Glaze which is one tricky mother, let me tell you!

I’ve learned a lot from the last time I made jewellery for RA Vegas Week, so let me share some observations.

The process is quite simple so how can things go so wrong?:

I find the images I like, scale them and print them out on thicker paper.

During RA Vegas Week I used a cream cardboard with tiny ridges, thinking it’d look vintage,  but I think that was a bad idea, smooth is best.

Many sites recommend you seal the image with MicroGlaze before you tamper with it, however, it’s actually quite pricey and I question the necessity for it.

Firstly, by applying it (I use my finger), you are already smudging the print a tad.

Secondly, fluff and dust cling to it, so you end up clearing it off with your finger.

Lastly, I don’t know how long it’s supposed to dry because after an hour (I am very impatient) it was still wet.

After the first batch I abandoned priming the image and there’s no difference, so I’d ditch this step.

Anyway, once the image is printed and primed, you can move on to the next step.

If you’re using a cabochon, glue it to your image, hold it down till it sticks and let it dry.

If you will be covering your picture with resin, or in my case Diamond Glaze, it’s time for the ultimate mind f*ck, meaning cutting out the image to size.

I usually prepare a template beforehand and then draw out the rough size using a pencil.

It’s important to only trim little bits at a time, you can always shave off more if it doesn’t fit.

What’s important at this stage is to have a needle handy: once the size is almost perfect and just needs a tiny trim, it’s beyond annoying to pull the picture out again.

Once it’s perfect (or in my case, almost perfect) glue the image onto your jewellery.

I use Diamond Glaze, which is also quite expensive, but I heard that any glue that dries transparent will do.

If you’re making a ring, brooch, or anything else that doesn’t lay flat, make sure you think of a way to prop it up.

Seems like a logical idea, and yet last time I ended up applying the resin and THEN thinking how to keep it level (a lemon was the answer).

Now I usually make a tiny tube using cardboard and that holds things in place.

Once your cabochon dries, it’s time to cut it out, although luckily the glass will cover up any rough edges.

Again, take your time carefully shaving off the edges.

Once that’s done, glue it to the jewellery and Voilà!! It’s done.

With the other jewellery the mind f*ck fun isn’t over.

Carefully pour the resin / Diamond Glaze onto your image, starting from the centre outwards in a circular motion.

You need to take it slow, but if some bubbles appear, pop them with a needle or, if they are stubborn, push them to the edge (and hope for the best).

Word of warning, bubbles may appear while the Diamond Glaze is drying.

I’d recommend not fiddling with it though, it’s easy to mess up the smooth surface at this stage and bubbles will be the least of your problems.

Once that is done, cover your pieces with a plastic cup so they protected from dust and fluff and wait 12 to 24 hours for them to dry and harden.

It really can be a fickle thing, but I guess that’s what makes it fun, but only if it works.

If it doesn’t it’s frustrating enough to make you tear your hair out!

My favourite from the bunch was the ring with a Tamara Lempicka image:

On the whole, I think cabochon jewellery is a bit easier and the risk of messing up big time is much lower, having said that all my Thornton silhouette jewellery never comes out quite right.

There’s also something to be said about the glossy simplicity of Diamond Glaze, so it’s tough to call.

The earrings I made are adorable and came out quite well.

 I asked an old friend to model them for you 😉

I used a Roy Lichtenstein painting and cropped the image.

Remember that if you are sticking a cabochon onto a picture of a face, make sure it’s centred.

The cabochon edges are rounded and will distort even the prettiest features (I learned that on a picture of poor Thorin).

I also have some other more RA/Thorin stuff done, but I’ll keep it a secret until closer to The Hobbit DOS première.

BTW, while I was putting together this post, I actually got one more thing done from my crafty list.

I’ve always been frustrated at the quality of pictures I take to show stuff like jewellery on the blog, so I decided to make my very own DIY Photo light box.

I’ve been defending a cardboard box for over a month from getting binned, tried to get my hands on white tissue paper (for some unknown reason they seem to only sell it packed with all of the other colours of the bloody rainbow…), pulled out my craft knife (me and sharp objects don’t mesh).

Everything would be fine if it wasn’t a bloody gloomy day and there’s no natural light to speak of, so the images are either too bright (when I use the flash) or too dark.

Anyway, here are some other things I made:

The not quite right but good enough Thornton brooch:

We’ve been reading more paper books recently, so a bookmark is very much needed:

See, that’s why I always say that whenever I go DIYing, things turn out OK, but never perfect 😉

There may be not one decent picture for today, but one of these days, camera and photos, I’m going to have the upper hand!

With Richard you’re always in capable hands…

I had college the past 2 days, so I haven’t really prepared a post for today, plus I’m still feeling crafty and have a few RA/Thorin related projects I want to start, so I’ll just leave you with the following image and duck for cover as I’m a very naught girl 😉

Hands down, the sexiest man around…

Image from RACentral

What will The Hobbit Extended Edition cough up?

No Stereotype Sunday today, I’ve started my post-graduate course and I didn’t have time to fiddle with RA pics.

RAin check?

I’ve mentioned before that I wouldn’t be buying the DVD of The Hobbit until the Extended Edition was out.

 It’s out on Amazon November 11th, conveniently just in time to stick on my B-Day list (and pop it in Magzy’s account basket as a not so subtle hint).

It seems that it will feature an extra 13-minute cut of the film and almost 9 hours of new special features.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s no doubt that when DOS is out on DVD Jackson will add another 13 minutes to AUJ, we’ll just never catch up.

Talking about special features, 9 hours is a heck of a lot of footage, until you start breaking it down.

Two commentaries is almost 6 hours right there.

Then there are those interesting clips that feature everything but the kitchen sink with regards to production CG etc. which you end up watching once, if that.

The big question is, how much more RA, Aidan, and Dean will we get?

I’d like to list what I would like to see:

– Richard Armitage getting into character (as in slipping into the Thorin costume… and out of it, showering etc.)

– Thorin (Richard) braiding Kili’s (Aidan’s) hair

– Dwarf strip poker

– any bathing under a waterfall configuration

– what the dwarves in barrels were up to after hours

What about you, what new footage would you like to see?

–

On John Thornton moving into my bedroom…

Friday was a very busy day for me as I was feeling crafty.

I was planting herbs in lovely and ridiculously expensive French rustic pots and preparing for a new Thorin project that I won’t utter a peep about just yet.

I’m also on a high of adding artwork to my walls, I’ve always favoured a minimalistic approach to décor, but I figured it’s time for a wee change.

I’m not going to bore you with all the stuff I’ve made, but I wanted to share one I’ve been meaning to do for some time.

There just aren’t enough sexy British men in cravats in my bedroom, so I decided to remedy that.

Here’s the result:

(picture removed, will post a different one)

(BTW, not my bedroom, Thornton’s temporarily housed in Magzy’s living room till I can get my dad over with a nail and hammer)

I took the beautiful image that can be found here, but stuck it on a background.

I chose a page from Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South, but wanted to have it hand-written.

Luckily, I stumbled upon a Jane Austin font that can be downloaded for free (me likey!).

 

Originally, I had intended on going a bit artsy with the image, I considered making the silhouette float above the writing background (as in sticking it on foam), maybe age the image so it looks like old parchment etc, but in the end the simplicity really worked.

I mentioned “men in cravats” and ultimately I would like to add a similar image of Mr Darcy.

My two favourite boys stuck on one wall aiding me in getting a good night’s sleep full of delicious dream.

(picture removed, will post a different one)

The problem is I can’t find a good Darcy silhouette that would rival the beautiful Thornton one.

Have you come across any good ones?

If so, let me know in comments and my bedroom wall will be eternally grateful, not to mention seeing my boys first thing in the morning will surely add a spring to my step.