Image: Crispin’s eclipse
It’s the time of the year when we gear up celebrate love. I personally shall buy myself a big box of chocolates (I’ve deserved it) and perhaps revisit some of my favorite RA romantic moments.
If you are in a relationship, you may want to surprise your lucky fella with a slow teasing dance and give him something to remember.
At this point I must encourage you to pop back to RA’s series where he takes off his clothes- only because the requires it, mind. You will find these in Spooks and Strike Back. Usually he removes his clothing in a swift move and there is little stripteasing per se, but I dare you not to rewind it a few times… COUGH… moving on…
Image: me+richard
Striptease
Now, I must admit I’ve never actually done a striptease and have only ever seen it on telly, in movies and once I saw a Chippendales type of performance. It wasn’t good. To be honest, I think most of the ladies there were embarassed more than anything.
There’s just something about a man in a g-string that places him somewhere close to a nude man in socks (I have put a ban on the images of RA as Paul in Between the Sheets– just couldn’t get past the socks…).
Image: Armitage Fan Blog
It was hard to find a man imitating a Top Gun character, or a police man appealing. It just didn’t work for me at all.
Needless to say, it was nothing like this..
Image: jagrant
BTW I just noticed Lucas has a tramp stamp, not that I was looking…
According to specialists, if you’ve ever thought of doing a striptease, the chances are that your partner has too.
Here are some tips to get it right:
SET THE SCENE
Image: me+richard
Start your seduction with a titillating e-mail or call earlier that day, pop in a CD, turn the lights down low. Light candles and plunk your lovers bottom on the sofa. Put away your RA posters, Guy dolls and whatnots.
START STRUTTING
Image: me+richard
It’s all about attitude. Start parading around your man, making a figure of eight with your hips. Place one foot directly in front of the other. Keep you head up, chest out! Be bold, sassy, sensual. If all else fails, take a huge gulp of champagne.
Like so…
Image: RichardArmitakeDrinksThings
SCARF TEASE
Start playing with a scarf or, if you happen to have one, a feather boa. Apparently it represents a phallic object, but lets not get into that. You can run it over your shoulders, run it seductively through your hands. You can use it as a blindfold, put it around his neck to draw him close.
TIME FOR THE STRIP PART
Image: me+richard
Start removing your clothes. The key word here is slow. Turn your back to your man, look over the shoulder. Start unbuttoning, shrug your shoulders and do not drop your items of clothing with a thump on the floor. You can start throwing the objects at him, but beware of heavy zippers and buttons. You want to hurt him, but with your sexiness, not a black eye. When unzipping, arch your back and stick our your bum.
Image: me+richard
Word to the wise- do not get your skirt caught around your ankles. You will topple, you will fall, that will probably result in undignified humiliation.
This would be a good time to lay off the bubbly.
ESSENTIALS
Keep the heels on. You can remove them when you start removing your stockings. You can ping the garter belt and slowly roll down one stocking, then the other. Need I remind you that tights (or pantyhose, as the Americans say) are not an option. I have heard men say there is possibly nothing quite so asexual as a woman who looks like Barbie down there 😉
Stripping should be like unwrapping a present, the wrapping sure can be pretty, but the real prize is underneath.
THE VICTORY LAP
Image: Allthingsarmitage
Take your undies off slow, teasing all the way. Once in the buff, it’s time to take a victory lap and strut your stuff. You’ve gone so far, be bold, not bashful. You’ve got so far don’t shy away!
I have tried to read this post but I can’t take my eyes away from the beautiful shot of Lucas’s naked behind :))
Yep, that is something else. I like a man with a little junk in the trunk 😉 Anyway, you’re better off just looking!
What is a tramp stamp, please?
Did you notice that, in the “Spooks” photo until the words “The Victory Lap”. Richard had forgotten to think “Lucas” and he looks like himself?
typo alert…that should read “under the words” not “until the words”!!!!!!
A tramp stamp is a tattoo above your bum. I guess the name comes from the fact that a lot of…eeerr… looser women have them. Unfortunately I got one too, but before the term was pegged. Guess that makes me a tramp 😉
Very informative, hilarious, and well-illustrated post! Especially liked the advice to put away all the RA items first.
They could be seen as a… hmmm.. distraction by some ladies and unhealthy competition for the fellas 😉
This was quite the informative post! Although I have to say, may favorite part was the visual aids, lol. 😉
Oh, I know. The research was tough… cough… but someone had to do it… take one for the team and all that…
You have certainly been a busy girl lately! Thanks for thinking of us poor RA deprived fans. 😀
Believe me when I tell you- the pleasure is ALL mine 🙂