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Stereotype Sunday: Je t’aime Richard!

I’m continuing on my theme of Stereotype Sunday and it will come as no surprise that I’m tacking the French today!

Viva la France!

French Armitage 1_edytowany-1

I’ve taken the stereotypical elements associated with the French: The Eiffel tower, sexy French man drinking wine, baguette’s and fine art.

We were in dispute regarding the onions but Magzy summed it up by saying: Well, can’t someone see this whole project as bit offensive…

We left the onions out.

French Armitage 2

The ridiculous moustache had to stay though!

Do we know if Richard speaks French?

Many British children learn it at school, so there’s a chance he has at least some elementary knowledge and the thought of it has me yelling: Oooo lala!

I love the sound of French.

You might be saying: “There’s an oversized ferret canoeing in out toilet bowl while waving the EU flat” and it still sound sexy 😉

We know he’s given Russian a shot (and had a shot of Russian vodka) and bless him for trying!

This is an on-going project so if you have any other national stereotypes you’d like to subject RA to, pop it in comments and I’ll do my best to be an equal offender 😉

Amitage Moustache Madness

We’ve seen Richard’s face sporting all levels of fuzziness, from smooth as a baby’s bottom to hairy beary, but not so much with moustaches.

I remember there being a dodgy lip warmer in Malice Aforethought and Miss Marie Lloyd, but I think that’s it (please correct me if I’m wrong).

13

Staches aren’t exactly the height of fashion now, and my dad seems to be the only man who can pull one off.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve tried to get him to shave, but it’s just become a part of him and I think he feels bare without it.

If you think there’s not much to a moustache, think again!

There are different shapes and sizes.

Don’t believe me?

Types-Of-Mos

And if you want to get all fancy and europeany about it, here’s a posher version of the good old moustache chart (you snob!):

types-of-moustaches-best-mustache-classy-stylish-mustache

First up, the Fu Manchu, is a full, straight moustache that grows downward past the lips and on either side of the chin.

The pointed ends hang towards or past the jaw line.

To me it’s more like the Fu Hell’s Angels, but what do I know…

Armitage moustache 1

Next up is a cross between the Regular Mo and Handlebar, although I’m getting a hint of Dr Watson too.

Quick, pass the pipe and an annoyed Sherlock.

Armitage moustache 2

If a more slick version is your cup of tea, how about the full Handlebar.

He look like he’s about the release doves from his sleeve and sew a woman in half (I volunteer, Richard The Ravenous!).

Armitage moustache 3

Then we have the Dali, which makes everyone look like a pompous twat artsy.

I could just go around drawing these on every magazine cover model.

I could just go around drawing these on Richard.

I could go around….Richard…

Armitage moustache 4

Next up is something that I’d like to call Dali in the Rain.

It’s what my hair does when I curl it and step outside my house.

Armitage moustache 5

If the purpose of a moustache is to warm the upper lip then this style has it covered (pun intended).

It’s the Walrus, but it looks like the Horseshoe on steroids.

The phrase “Waiter, waiter, there’s a hair in my soup” is unavoidable…

Armitage moustache 6

By now you could have noticed that the chin was getting a little lonely, so here’s a Handlebar and Chin Puff.

Sometime a man just needs to get his sleaze on…

Armitage moustache 9

We need an Armitage Admirer poll to select the best option for Richard, so I’ve compiled some poll options.

And “no moustache” is not an option, sorry to say!

Let’s imagine that Richard in the mayor of Moustacheville in Moustachion county, New Moustache state, The United States of Moustache.

In other words, he’s getting a moustache and you’ve just got to deal with it 😉

Here are your options:

Armitage Moustache poll

So, I moustache you this question:

Can you guess which one is my favourite?

Armitage moustache 10

“Sacre bleu, ver ees Marguerite goin wit de basket full ov baguettes and fromage?

Regarder en arrière à moi, you fille stupide!”♦

♦ I don’t speak French, can you tell?

 Oh là là, I can’t lie, Monsieur Jean Thornton is turning me on 😉

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