We’ve seen Richard’s face sporting all levels of fuzziness, from smooth as a baby’s bottom to hairy beary, but not so much with moustaches.
I remember there being a dodgy lip warmer in Malice Aforethought and Miss Marie Lloyd, but I think that’s it (please correct me if I’m wrong).
Staches aren’t exactly the height of fashion now, and my dad seems to be the only man who can pull one off.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve tried to get him to shave, but it’s just become a part of him and I think he feels bare without it.
If you think there’s not much to a moustache, think again!
There are different shapes and sizes.
Don’t believe me?
And if you want to get all fancy and europeany about it, here’s a posher version of the good old moustache chart (you snob!):
First up, the Fu Manchu, is a full, straight moustache that grows downward past the lips and on either side of the chin.
The pointed ends hang towards or past the jaw line.
To me it’s more like the Fu Hell’s Angels, but what do I know…
Next up is a cross between the Regular Mo and Handlebar, although I’m getting a hint of Dr Watson too.
Quick, pass the pipe and an annoyed Sherlock.
If a more slick version is your cup of tea, how about the full Handlebar.
He look like he’s about the release doves from his sleeve and sew a woman in half (I volunteer, Richard The Ravenous!).
Then we have the Dali, which makes everyone look
like a pompous twat artsy.
I could just go around drawing these on every magazine cover model.
I could just go around drawing these on Richard.
I could go around….Richard…
Next up is something that I’d like to call Dali in the Rain.
It’s what my hair does when I curl it and step outside my house.
If the purpose of a moustache is to warm the upper lip then this style has it covered (pun intended).
It’s the Walrus, but it looks like the Horseshoe on steroids.
The phrase “Waiter, waiter, there’s a hair in my soup” is unavoidable…
By now you could have noticed that the chin was getting a little lonely, so here’s a Handlebar and Chin Puff.
Sometime a man just needs to get his sleaze on…
We need an Armitage Admirer poll to select the best option for Richard, so I’ve compiled some poll options.
And “no moustache” is not an option, sorry to say!
Let’s imagine that Richard in the mayor of Moustacheville in Moustachion county, New Moustache state, The United States of Moustache.
In other words, he’s getting a moustache and you’ve just got to deal with it 😉
Here are your options:
So, I moustache you this question:
Can you guess which one is my favourite?
“Sacre bleu, ver ees Marguerite goin wit de basket full ov baguettes and fromage?
Regarder en arrière à moi, you fille stupide!”♦
♦ I don’t speak French, can you tell?
Oh là là, I can’t lie, Monsieur Jean Thornton is turning me on 😉