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Because what’s left is shame…


I’ve written this post a thousand times in my mind, but I promised my sister that I wouldn’t write it in anger, I think there’s been much too much of that lately.

There’s been such ugliness in the past few days I think many of us find it hard to actually comprehend.

I think much has been said before in other posts, so I won’t be rehashing the events.

I think this is a good moment to go back and think of our own decisions, actions and  reactions that have led to this point.

I’m not pointing fingers at anyone but myself.

By ignoring  what others were doing I allowed for the situation to escalate to the point where I actually feel ashamed of myself.

Would it have made a difference if I spoke up?

Probably not.

I would have ended up under fire too and I genuinely thought that people would get bored of hurling abuse and would move on to something a bit more creative.

No excuses, though.

As it stands now, I feel like many of us are proclaiming the fandom/bullying equivalent of “I smoked but I didn’t inhale”.

I didn’t participate but I did nothing, I coward away because I was afraid at what I’d find and what I’d learn about people I considered my online friends.

I don’t know about you but I want to take this time to think about what I can do in future to prevent such horrible things from happening again.

I’d also need to apologise for being such a shitty friend.

I should have been the one to try to protect you from the horrible things people where doing and it turned out you were protecting me so I wouldn’t be disappointed when I learned of their true nature.

I think we could all use a moment to think, I know I do…


About Agzy The Ripper

Sew, Rip, Repeat... and love each moment of it! Join me as I embark on a myriad of sewing and crafting shenanigans.

49 responses »

  1. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on, but I gather something has happened and I want to say that I love all of you.

  2. I don’t know the details but have some more positive thoughts from me, Agzy!

  3. Wyglada na to ze daliśmy sie podpuścić…ale ponosły mnie nerwy gdy zobaczyłam znajome inicjały…w kazdym razie ja jestem Ci wdzięczna że się odezwałaś 🙂
    Wybujałe ego niektórych + masa pretensji to powód tych przykrości…ciągle tez nie mogę sie nadziwić jak łatwo obrażają sie Ci niegłupi przecież ludzie…kompleksy?

  4. You are a bit too harsh to yourself. A lot of problems are solved by sitting them out. Sometimes the only right way to handle a situation is to ignore it, to take what is happening as part of ebb and flow. Do not give your despicable counterparts too much attention. It only makes them stronger, puts them into focus and drains you of energy. Only when looking back you know exacly what had been the right way. As Guylty said: lets focus on what unites us. There is so much RAgoodness out there – enough for all of us.

    • I swear, I’ve been channeling my inner Guylty, she’s a wise one 😉 You are right, of course, that sometimes sitting one out is beneficial, but then no one should stand alone against stuff like this and it was inaction that allowed the situation to escalate.
      But thank you for your kind words!

  5. I stood up and had my say, in my small way. I will always stand up for kindness and against vicious, specious attacks. I don’t think it made a difference to anyone but me. Here’s sending positive energy, supportive and gentle thoughts.

    • Leigh, I’ve noticed a few people who have made their voice heard and maybe it didn’t make a difference to what other people did or said, but you are right, it made a difference to you! I’m collecting all the positive energy and anyone who needs it is more that welcome to help themselves!

  6. I have no ideia about what happened, but I also agree that sometimes it’s positive to ignore or refuse to take part in something bad. You’ve chosen to be in peace and not spend your good energy with someone who didn’t deserve it!!! 😉

  7. Agzy, first, I am sending you a hug. Second, I have not posted on my blog here regarding the ‘incident’, but I did comment on my tumblr blog right away. You’ve done nothing wrong. If anything, your blog brings joy to many in this fandom, I know it certainly does to me!

    • Thanks so much Honey, but sometimes you have to face the facts that you didn’t do the right thing. I can’t turn back time but I can influence what I do now!

  8. Big hugs. 🙂

    • I deserve a slapped bottom, but I guess with all the 50 shades of grey crap I might actually enjoy it 😦
      Ps. Actually, my parents were big on physical punishment as a viable discipline method, so a slapped bottom would be the equivalent of making me eat brussel sprouts…But you get my point…

  9. I’m in the dark here too, but I just want to say that I love your blog!

  10. I’ve seen the vitriol and pure nastiness the last few weeks. What a shame ! I hate cowards behind their keyboards. Hugs Agzy

  11. littlesallyboots (Hannah A)

    I have no clue what’s happened here. I’m a tad out of the loop lately, with what’s been going down online…!
    But I’m sure what ever you did or didn’t do with regards to this sitch wasn’t out of malice or cowardice or you being bad friend. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing at the time, and that’s all can ever try to do.

    Chin up, buttercup! *hugses*


    • Thank you H, You’ll have me singing my favorite song for the rest of the day:
      Why do you build me up (Build me up) buttercup, baby
      Just to let me down (Let me down)and mess me around 🙂

  12. You haven’t done anything shameful, darlin’. The participants did.

    • Well, I can’t change the past but I’d like to feel better about my choices in the future. In such a storm one forgets how many amazing people are in this fandom. They get drowned out when they deserve out time and attention.

  13. Już dawno nie czułam tak wielkiego zniesmaczenia jak przez ostatnie kilka dni próbując zrozumieć o co naprawdę w tym wszystkim chodzi. Ech… 3maj się ❤

    • Wiem, rozdygotana of kilku dni chodzę, staram się nie myśleć o tym ale jakoś trudno pozbyć się tego przykrego uczucia. Moim zdaniem to jeszcze nie koniec, ale może najgorsze minęło. Tak nawiasem, zawsze z chęcią odpisuję na wiadomości osób chcących poszerzyć swoją wiedzę

  14. Hugs. Don’t beat yourself up. You made the best decisions you could at the moment, and that’s all anyone can do. If you make your best decisions based in love, you’re probably doing the right thing. Or at least that’s what I tell myself, and what I try and do. ❤ Also, thank you for the photo of the gorgeous posies. I needed that today too, we're in the deep freeze here. :}

    • I had no idea they were called posies. They are called “krokusy” in Polish. They seemed fitting as they are always the first to pop up after a brutal winter. Last year we still had snow in April, so they these little beauties started popping up on lawns everyone was thrilled.

  15. I had no idea of the history behind the “incident” and came in on the tail end of what was happening when it all hit the fan. I’ve said nothing so far because I usually don’t buy into the negative stuff in the fandom, my focus is RA and the enjoyment he brings to my life.
    Please don’t be so hard on yourself, we all make decisions for what we feel are the best reasons at the time *hugs*
    Your blog is great fun…keep on shining! 🙂

    • I think that focusing on RA as a way to brighten up the day is a brilliant idea, let me go rummage through my Richard folder and try to serve up some tasty morsels for today 😉

  16. May I just add my “Amen” to what Mezz, you Agzy, and others have expressed above. I too was unaware for the most part of what has apparently been going on and I honestly thank God for that. After going through a period of sickness, grief and then being away at a Retreat this past weekend I was removed from it and do not wish to know the details. Am I burying my head in the sand? Perhaps. But anything is better than the alternative. I too want to focus on dear Richard and what he has done and continues to do for me on a daily basis. I have found so much joy in the fandom, and got to “know” so many wonderful people over these past several years that I *never* want that to be spoiled for me. Hugs to you my friend! Please continue to lift our spirits!!

    • Thanks! I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Richarding has saved me from focusing on bad things on many occassions and I agree, sometimes it’d be the best 30 minutes of a stressful day before I sunk into RL crap again.

  17. ((Hugs)) I don’t know what else to say (or do) except to say that I know where you’re coming from and that putting out positive energy that way that you do is huge! ((Hugs again))

    • Now that I’m more coherent, having had a nap: Agree with Obscura, strongly. It’s really hard to continue to be positive in situations like this. You do an amazing job of it.

      The other thing I really appreciate is that not that many people knew. This is supposed to be fun. For a lot of people who read the blogs for fun, Richarding counts among the happier 30 minutes of their day, and witnessing drama of whatever sort does not need to be part of that.

      • I think a lot of people were taken by surprise by this. The fandom is a big place now and you are right that for most of us it is a 30 minutes daily dose of light heartedness. I feel ashamed because i didn’t notice what was happening, even though, in hindsight, you told me. OTOH, i also feel pleased that this vile behaviour didn’t get much oxygen.

        The best revenge is always to live well. Let’s get back to doing that as a two fingered gesture to the bullies.

      • Not many people knew, then didn’t it go on for so long because of that?
        Anyway, I agree that we need a bit of light and a good giggle or two! Bring on the Armitage pics!!!

    • Thanks Obscura, the update on the spReAd the love reminded me about the wonderful things this fandom can do when it focuses on the positive!

  18. Stay out of the bizarre circus of events as much as possible and keep Richarding the fun way you do. They’re screaming for attention like two year olds. Not worth any extra moments of your sweet time or your peace of mind.

  19. *HUGS* You make me smile, if not outright laugh, everyday, my dear A! Thank you.


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