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Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin…

I came across this interesting picture on Twitter:

Hairy dwarves

Seems pretty accurate to me as most of the 28% consists of trinkets to decorate the hair.

It raises a valid question: Just how hairy are dwarves?

Can we relate our human preferences on male inhabitants of Middle Earth?

The whole companion looks like it’s taken hair styling tips from an 80s pop band and I shudder (both in fear and in delight) to think what’s happening underneath that bulky clothing.


I’m not a big fan of overly hairy men and when I see one on the beach with a bearskin on his back, it makes me want to run up and wax that beast right off him, because that’s just animal cruelty…

A unibrow? Such a no no!

I get most men don’t actually have tweezers, but wouldn’t you just lay awake at night waiting for your partner to doze off just so you could pluck a hair or three?

I would and that’s probably one of the reasons I’m single 😉


This issue raises many questions in an idle mind and needs to be thought through further.

Here are the hairy rules according to AgzyM.

Acceptable hairy areas:

Chest hair which does not spill out to the shoulders

Arm and leg hair, frankly a man looks disturbing without it

Facial hair that doesn’t store breakfast crumbs


Areas that need trimming:

Head hair because unless you’re an Aidan Turner or Kit Harington lookalike, grunge is dead and buried so it’s time to move on

Nose hair- if I can see it, it needs a trim

Armpit hair, unless you’re planning on braiding and beading it as some sort of Bob Marley tribute.

The errrmmm… southern regions.

If you’re going to invite someone for a picnic, mow the lawn is all I’m saying…


Wax on and wax off:

Ears are meant for listening and for hearing sweet nothings

Back, not even going to explain

Shoulders, ditto

So what say you, my darling readers?

Do the dwarves need to laser the fuzz off if they’re going to take their clothes off, or are they getting a furry pass on account of being…. well… dwarves?

About Agzy The Ripper

Sew, Rip, Repeat... and love each moment of it! Join me as I embark on a myriad of sewing and crafting shenanigans.

23 responses »

  1. When I stop laughing, I’ll think about something to say about your post!!! 😀

  2. Back and shoulders – definitely need a wax if they’re hairy. Ears and nose need a clip or tweeze. Unibrow too. But the lawn? Think English garden- which here means a natural look – at least that’s what it means to me. Have you seen the fan art of shirtless (and sometimes just “less” Thorin?

    • An English garden you say? I’m more of a French or Japanese garden fan myself…. wait, we’re talking about horticulture, right? 😉
      I’ve seen a few -less Thorins and I like the way the artists think. I can remember a bare hairless chest in one and none with bearskin backs.

  3. I have to take each Dwarf separately as I have a distinct feeling about each of them. So:
    Thorin- I love men with long hair as long as they have a full head of hair. They could grow it to their hiney and I would love it. I love his facial hair and chest hair all the way to his…well you know. Not much on back hair.
    Balin–I think he’s yummy too, for the above reasons.
    Dwalin–NO. Cut that long hair. No hair on top, no hair on bottom.
    Fili and Kili, Big Yummy all around. Too bad they’re young enough to be my grandchildren.
    Dori–Nice hair, but his cries for it to be shorter.
    Nori–I could go with his being long. Nice eyes.
    Ori–His is too, too. His needs to be short. He’s too young to be manly yet.
    Bombur, Shorter.
    Oin, Shorter.
    Gloin–I actually think he’s a manly looking man-Dwarf. I like his hair long.
    Bifur–Yo DUDE! I love his hair!!!
    Bofur–I’m good with his hair. I bet he’s got some great chest hair to run your fingers through.

    I have to tell you I used to be a hair stylist. I know hair.
    I am a contradiction though. I love men with long hair, but am married to a retired Naval Officer. I cut his hair every two week without fail. He’s getting lighter on top, so I would never let his get longer, anyway. But he keeps it short.

  4. I don’t mind hairy arms and legs, but everywhere else needs to stay neat and tidy 😉

  5. I was simply chuckling until I got to the part about the picnic, now I’m wiping tears from my eyes from laughing so hard. You’ve hit on my exact preferences in your post, with on exception. I’m with TheArkenstone when it comes to long hair. As long as a man (or dwarf) has thick, luxurious hair, he can grow it long and I’d be happy to run my fingers through it! 🙂

    • I have a thing for Aidan/Kit type of hair- beautiful black curls that you can run your hand through. If I’m running and my fingers touch a balding scalp because the hair has been strategically place to cover up hairless, that’s not good. Comb-overs fool no one!

      • Jas/Agzy/Arkie – I am with you completely on the hair, and most especially Thorin’s – love it long and easy to hold. 😉 But, I can be also partial to the other delicious alternative…


        As always, it depends on the man. For me, if they are already terribly good looking, it doesn’t matter what is on their head.

        Just absolutely no comb-overs.

  6. If I ever stop laughing long enough to write this but…re

    “If you’re going to invite someone for a picnic, mow the lawn is all I’m saying…”

    Unbelievably funny that you went there! I love it.

    But about underarm hair – Oh, honey, um…no, please. That’s one of my “things”…

    Just. Just. Yeah, please don’t touch that. Uh-uh, no.

    • I do have to ask,,, Are talking about women waxing the nether regions or men? “I’m finally able to type again. I’ve been laughing all day. Every time I think of the Dwarves lying on a table at a salon, saying ” okay, I think I’m ready…no wait….is it hot? Will it hurt?” “Oh gawd, what is that stuff? You’re going to put it where?” I fall out of my seat..(snort)

      • I thought we were just talking about Men and waxing? But, in essence, I was agreeing with much of what was said here…with the exception of Male underarm hair. 😉

        Re “southern region” manscaping – it is not a big issue for me, unless it is so thick that you can’t “find the goods” visually or easily, if you know what I mean. (Which, thankfully, I have never encountered. *shivers*)

        • If I couldn’t “find the goods” for all the woods,” i’d probably check to see if bipedal…

          • You trying to back out of that comment or back out of “the woods”? 😉

          • Oh, no, I love hairy! I was just wondering if he was that hairy (I’m laughing so hard, I can’t type) would I need to check to make sure he was actually capable of communicating with me in a language we both understood. Of course there could the certain amount of grunting and groaning, and possible howling, but if he started barking, I might have to re-evaluate the desirableness of massive hairyness, so to speak. (Whick would then bring up the subject of whether or not Thorin’s pelt is a living, breathing entity.)

      • Incidentally, that reminds me of a piece of Guy of Gisborne fanfiction I read recently on just the same subject matter. 😉

    • That image of Porter is stunning, but I’d pull out my pruning shears. All tied up, I don’t think he’d protest too much 😉

  7. Pingback: Final nitpicking though the BAFTA LA TV Tea Party pics | I Want to be a Pin Up

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